.Wednesday, July 29, 2009 ' 9:54 AM Y
tumblr's not working so coming back here for a while but i'll be back in tumblr because I prefer how it's simple there. but i need a space to rant.
I just realise I've been relying on Ifwat too much ): cannot sleep, call him, bored, msg him, unhappy cry to him. Sigh. He's my good friend but I shouldnt trouble him that much aye? I cannot be his vampire ): and besides he has other girls to entertain to. HAHA
work & school they are things that have been keeping me away from my social life. my social life is like very low now (SIMS) ): but I really need this life, to keep me away from thinking about Shan. I still constantly look at their blogs and each day I found something new. It's painstaking but this is the most that I can do to keep my mind at ease ( I dont know from what since I'm no longer with Shan) this life is difficult but i seriously need to live this alone.
I miss:
the times when we were lying on the bed listening to Jason Mraz song
when the three of us ate take outs and watching AXN/HBO
looking at you ironing your clothes/kilating your boots
watching both of you guys doing the house work
visiting cathay with you
your suprise visits
the calls we always have every night before lights out
having shih lin/ice milo for you, blue coral for dy, and soy milk for me
and really alot of things
although that was not the life that i will like to have at all but I'd been adopting the mindset of reminiscing rather than reprimanding ): shit this is torturous.
heard from your brother that you'd been busy with work/sister's and family visit/parents arriving. and also trying to hit on other girls (this is the part that is unpleasant but since the first day i really know you, i'm not suprised) hope you'll take care of your health properly since you always fall sick easily. hais ):
Ifwat's cool but I don't want to treat him as a substitution that's why I really won't like him.
Ifwat will be the last guy that I'll really open up to until I can accept the fact that Shan will no longer be back in my life. because I don't want to have many guys to appear in my life to keep changing my mindset about guys.
shit can I be a lesbian? minus the getting turn on by my own things part. Let's foresee my future of being lesbian. say my partner is A
Scene: On the couch watching chick flick at night (sleepover)
F: I love you honey
A: I love you too *attempts to hug & minor details*
*Parents see*
F: I told you if we go beyond that I will want to break up with you. Bye.
Shit I'll be hurting a girl's heart if I do that. Cannot think about it Fiona! ARGH!
